Yesterday I lost my uncle, the Father like person in my life. Today i sit here and send in a prayer as I sit in my room across seven seas, quiet and in contemplation. There is no one around me today and there is a sudden sense of being alone and isolated. But trust me sometimes it is good to be yourself and be by yourself.
I have been moving about for the past 30 hours in a delirium almost, not knowing what to do, where to go and what to say. My brain demands that I be involved in something; Absolutely anything because it believes that the more occupied I will be the more faster will i recover; But my heart, still lingers around the sweet memories and the pain this incident has bought into my life. All am capable of doing now is to sit here and let my mind and heart battle it out.
I feel a stong a sense of ‘not wanting to do anything’ and this is surely not a healthy state. But even if I want the time to stop here and rewind back I know that life will do otherwise and move me forward. Something inside me still feels that perhaps tomorrow when I wake up all this will be a dream and the pain will cease to exist and life will once again be full of happiness and joy but unfortunately thats not true. I know that for the rest of my life I have to live with a tinge of this sadness.
My father was an angel sent down to take care of me, protect me, guide me, correct me when I was wrong, to love me unconditionally, to laugh and cry with me, to stand up for me, to make me feel good about myself ... to just be there for me always ... Well even if I dint believe in angels earlier I just started to, because i realise he WAS an angel to me who dint expect anything in return ... Maybe just a phone call or a visit once in a while ...
As i sit and reminisce the time spent with him I realise that in the daily hustle and bustle of our life there is very little that we usually sit and absorb. However it is only in the advent of such an event that we understand the importance of these special moments and the importance of admiring and respecting them. Today his entire life flashes before me and trust me it surely is worth watching.
I know that for the rest of my life every time I step into Swapna Sree I won't be greeted by his warm smile or hug. All that I'll be able to do is spend a few odd moments with his picture, his books and glory. He has gone far away from us, but the way to keep him alive is to never stop loving him; To be strong and smile so that every time he peeps in to see how I am doing he feels happy for what he has made me !!
My father - strong and malleable, wise and understanding. I will keep him thus forever and ever in my heart and memories !!